


don't forget to remember me

by AeonWing



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: #ChalexReverseBang2020, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, ChalexReverseBang2020, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Inspired by Fanart, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26755621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonWing/pseuds/AeonWing
Summary: Charlie's on an exchange semester in his final year.Unfortunately, he might not be able to make it back to America because of COVID-19.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70
Collections: Chalex Reverse Bang 2020





	don't forget to remember me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [szelena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/szelena/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I miss you so badly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754265) by [szelena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/szelena/pseuds/szelena). 



> Hey everyone! This is my submission for #ChalexReverseBang2020
> 
> The fanfiction was inspired and the artwork was drawn by the lovely szelena!
> 
> Please find her ao3 and tumblr here:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/szelena/pseuds/szelena  
> https://svebara-z.tumblr.com/

_“No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That’s the only way to keep the roads clear.”_

**\-- Greg Kincaid**

* * *

** December 27th, 2019 **

The airport was remarkably packed, almost so much so that it made Alex slightly claustrophobic. It wasn’t particularly surprising – the days just after Christmas, with everyone returning to real life and saying goodbye to their holiday adventures. It would only be fitting that there would be so many people here and now.

Christmas had always been Alex’s favorite holidays. Needless to say, December was also his favorite month for that very reason. School’s out, it’s holiday season, and holidays mean happiness, festivities, and catching up with relatives and friends.

This year was no different. He saw all his Liberty High friends again, spent a lot of time with Charlie and his family, and grew a lot closer to his older brother. He and Peter now really empathized together over the woes of being in college.

But as soon as Christmas ended, so too did his happiness.

“So, are you ready?” Alex asked quietly, trying his best to hide the disappointment and reluctance in his voice.

Charlie glanced back at him, doing his best to stay stoic and confident as well. “Almost, I still have another hour before my flight leaves,” he said slowly.

Alex nodded reluctantly, and when their eyes met, Alex found himself speechless again.

They’d talked about it several times, and Alex had always shown his support for his boyfriend to pursue an exchange semester abroad. It would be a great experience to have for anyone, and Alex was confident that Charlie would be faithful to him. Still, seeing his attractive, 6-foot quarterback boyfriend leave his side to study elsewhere made him slightly guarded. Not to mention that it was tough enough as it was now – them seeing each other only twice a month at most, with Alex juggling being at Berkeley and Charlie finishing his last year at Liberty High.

At the same time, it was also almost surreal to think about. So much shit had gone down at Liberty, between Hannah’s tapes, her trial, Bryce’s death, and then the addition of SROs and all sorts of security measures on campus that it made this predicament seem tame in comparison. Nowadays, all Alex had to worry about was keeping his grades high and not partying too hard.

Surely not seeing Charlie for a few months wouldn’t be a big deal, right? Alex wish he could admit that to himself, but it was still difficult nonetheless to see his boyfriend go, even if only temporarily.

Their eyes were still on one another, the air around feeling heavier than normal. A battle of wills, both of them trying their best to keep it together.

It was Charlie who spoke first.

“I uh, you know I’ll miss you, right?” He said weakly, mustering the courage to put on a smile. Showing his emotions was never one of Charlie’s strong suites. Hanging around Monty and the jocks didn’t exactly lend itself to fostering those skills, so it was still a learning curve for him and Alex.

Nonetheless, it made moments like these all the more precious – seeing Charlie vulnerable like this. It was a milestone in their relationship.

“I know,” Alex said back, interlacing his fingers around Charlie’s own. He thought of kissing Charlie, but they’d both agreed to keep PDA to a minimum when not with their friends or in less familiar settings. It was 2019 – true, but things still happened. And neither of them wanted to deal with that. “I’ll miss you too, Charlie,” he said in earnest.

“It’s half a year,” Charlie murmured, holding back a sniffle. “I’d been looking forward to it since freshman year, but…” he trailed off, biting his lip when Alex’s eyes met his. And although he didn’t finish the statement, Alex knew. Charlie had this planned for a long time. And it wouldn’t be right for him to put it off after so many years of planning just because of Alex.

He’s okay with that.

“It’s not too bad,” Alex replied, squeezing Charlie’s hand a little tighter. “Besides, we still have facetime. I don’t think I can call you anymore without having to pay long-distance fees though,” he said teasingly.

Charlie chuckled at that. “That’s fine – I prefer it when I can see your cute little face anyways,” he beamed, gently resting a hand on Alex’s arm.

Alex rolled his eyes, but smiled, nonetheless. It felt warm. It felt reassuring. And just like that, in moments the stifling heaviness between them was like a lost thought. Alex knew that he’d be missing this sorely in the months to come but being around Charlie never failed to brighten his day, even if just a little.

“Time zones, though,” Alex sighed. “We’ll have to work around that. London’s 8 hours ahead of California,” he said with a frown.

“We will,” Charlie responded reassuringly. “We always do, don’t we?”

“I guess so,” Alex said after a brief pause.

They stayed in comfortable silence, strolling down the busy pathway together. Though both wanted to hold hands, holding Charlie’s luggage took greater priority, much to Alex’s disappointment. “Don’t worry,” Charlie said with a wink. “There’s a less busy corner not too far from my terminal.”

Alex just blushed at that and said nothing back amidst Charlie’s giggles.

Finally, they found themselves at the entrance of a high-end gift shop. Alex is no stranger to them – stopping by a gift shop has always been a thing his family did at the start and end of any vacation or special event – but usually he found himself at the cheaper ones, just getting something emblazoned with the name of the country they visited.

This one was a little different. Their stocks were beautiful, the décor adorned with pretty little decorations. It was truly a sight to behold. Alex grinned widely, tugging at his boyfriend to follow him into the shop. Immediately, they were both greeted by the saleslady. And normally, Alex wasn’t the biggest fan of this sort of customer service – the seemingly manufactured goodwill and fake smiles, but she seemed genuine enough. When Alex mentioned to her that Charlie would be leaving soon to study abroad, she said back that she had the perfect gift in mind.

“So we just got these in,” the saleslady beamed, pointing to one of the shelves where two giant shark plushies sat atop of. The material was soft, velvety almost, with a shiny blue top and a white underbelly. Even the little plush teeth looked cute. “And I think they’d be perfect for you two!”

Alex chuckled a little, nervously trading glances with Charlie. He knew it was silly, but a small part of him was still a little embarrassed to admit that he liked stuffed animals. The ones he had as a child were long stashed away somewhere in the attic at home, probably collecting dust. And when he last visited Charlie’s house, it didn’t seem like his quarterback boyfriend had a thing for stuffed animals either.

“We’ll take them,” Charlie nodded, smiling widely when Alex glanced over at him. And immediately, Alex felt a little more relieved at that.

“You like stuffed animals?” Alex inquired, quirking an eyebrow. “Guess I still get to learn more about you day after day.”

Charlie just rolled his eyes, but didn’t deny it, letting a hand rest on Alex’s back, rubbing him warmly. It felt good, it felt right. “Well, it’s not such a bad thing to be reminded of childhood sometimes,” he shrugged. “Besides, they’re a matching set. I think that more than qualifies for buying it together,” he winked.

When they strolled out the store and into a more obscure corner with fewer people, Alex took the first opportunity to hug the giant shark plushie. It really did feel warm and fluffy. Charlie just watched him with sparkling eyes, grinning adorably at the sight. It really made Alex’s heart melt a little more, almost forgetting that in just 30 minutes, Charlie would be leaving.

“You know I’ll miss you a lot… I know I’ve said that already, but…” Alex said, biting down on his lip with a pout. “At least we’ll have sharky to keep us company,” he continued, affectionately hugging the plushie. It was almost embarrassing, really – but only his boyfriend had eyes on him right now.

He could live with that.

“I’ll miss you too,” Charlie responded, gently pressing Alex’s frame up against his, save for the plush shark getting in their way. It wasn’t a big deal, he could still reach across to kiss Alex on the forehead, making his boyfriend giggle a little.

Finally, the two put away their plushies, obscured partially by the shopping bags, only the head of the shark sticking out like a sore thumb. They made their way to the waiting area where several people were sitting, eyes sparkling when they found two empty seats not too far.

Trading glances, the boyfriends sat down, savoring the few minutes of time they had left. And in a rare display of unbridled, unrestrained affection, Alex pulled Charlie’s arm closer, snuggling warmly against his boyfriend’s touch, resting a head on Charlie’s shoulder. And it was like the world around them fell away in that moment. Just the two of them again, like every time they cuddled together alone in bed.

The suddenness of the touch must have jolted Charlie a little, but he kept it at bay, melting warmly against Alex’s touch. They both knew that PDA wasn’t always on the table, especially after one or two unfortunate incidents with bigoted people. But right now, neither of them seemed to care.

Even if only for a little longer, and not again for another few months, this was _their_ time.

Minutes pass, and finally the speakers announced that Charlie’s flight was next. Alex’s eyes fluttered opened, glancing around to see feet shuffling as everyone got up to form an obscenely long lineup. His heart sank. It was time to leave Charlie.

He knew it was coming. Trying not to cry, he turned one last time to face his boyfriend, heart thumping in his chest as Charlie’s blue depths held his own, before letting his mind go blank as he pressed his lips against Charlie’s.

It wasn’t a very long kiss, nor one that was extremely passionate. They were in public, after all. But it was satisfying, it was intimate. And although Alex knew he wouldn’t get to kiss those lips again for a long time, he could manage. They would manage.

As Charlie got up to wait in line, Alex reached out a hand, one more thing on his mind. One more thing he wanted to say before Charlie left.

“Yeah?” Charlie asked, trying his best to stifle the sadness.

“Don’t forget to remember me,” Alex sniffled, smiling weakly.

****

** February 14th, 2020 **

It was a little chilly in the dorm when Alex turned on his laptop, letting out a yawn. It had been a long day – Friday was unfortunately his busiest day, counter intuitively. By sheer bad luck, he had been slotted to pick his classes after most of the students already had their turn. So needless to say, Friday classes were mostly what was left.

Still, at least the lectures and tutorials didn’t stretch all the way into nighttime, and despite the long, long day, he’d have several hours in the evening to party (if he so chose to, _and_ if he had the energy to), or use it to catch up on work – or his personal favorite, to talk to Charlie.

This Friday was a little different though. It was Valentine’s Day, and Alex admitted it was definitely a little disappointing that the two of them couldn’t share their first proper Valentine’s Day together. Just one year ago, they weren’t dating yet. And Alex was a little miffed to think that his first proper Valentine’s with a guy was with Winston.

Sure, he was still on friendly terms with Winston, but it wasn’t the same. So needless to say, Charlie being in London doing an exchange semester was definitely unfortunate.

Sighing, Alex glanced at his phone. It’s almost 5 PM. Counting forward 8 hours in London made it almost 1 AM. A part of him told him to just call it a day – that Charlie would probably need his sleep, albeit on a Friday night. Another part of him remembered they promised to make time whenever they could to talk to one another, and especially so on Valentine’s Day.

Alex laid down on the bed, the familiar warmth of the mattress a welcome after such a long day. Hesitatingly a little, he rubbed his eyes, tapping on the Skype icon and waiting for the familiar sound of logging in. It was a little silly, he realized. Hardly anyone still used Skype, but nonetheless, it had its uses. Such as right now when your boyfriend is halfway across the world.

There was the little green symbol next to Charlie’s name, and although Charlie had told him a few days ago to make sure he attended his lectures first, and then _maybe_ if he was still feeling up for it, they could share a video call, Alex would always make time for him.

Unsure of what to say, of how to express himself, trying to be happy to see Charlie through the screen when on the inside he wished to see Charlie in person, Alex reluctantly clicked on the call button. It rang once, twice, maybe five times, and Alex let out a sigh, ready to hang up when the ‘call-accepted’ sound suddenly pops. Alex’s heart skipped a beat when Charlie’s familiar smile and blue eyes stared back at him through the screen. His room was dimly lit, and he looked tired.

“Hey,” Alex said softly. It was definitely good to see Charlie again, albeit through a webcam with shoddy quality. The sun had long set, and while 1 AM wasn’t particularly late for college students, Alex knew that Charlie had a shift tomorrow. It was really impressive, honestly – how Charlie was able to find work in a different country while also balancing being a student. Though the football season was over, (not to mention far less popular in the UK), it was still a feat to behold.

And yet despite this, Charlie would make the time to speak to Alex. It made his chest feel tight at how lucky he was to have such an amazing boyfriend. The dimly lit room made Charlie’s features barely visible, though Alex could still see Charlie’s auburn hair, pretty blue eyes. Eyes that made Alex swoon for Charlie in the first place.

“Hey, Alex,” Charlie said back, the familiar smile breaking across his face. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he whispered.

Alex realized with a jolt that it was the 15th already in London. He was late. “Oh shit, it’s already 1 AM where you are,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m late with my own Happy Valentine’s to you too.”

“It’s okay, I’m just glad to be able to see you,” Charlie shook his head, trying to sound reassuring. “You doing okay? I really wish I could see you… and hold you in person,” Charlie said slowly, biting on his lip at the thought.

“I… I know, me too,” Alex said. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all,” he continued, wrapping his blanket around himself. Hearing Charlie’s voice, seeing his face like this after a long day of lectures, on Valentine’s Day no less felt so good. Maybe, Alex thought, if he closed his eyes, he could pretend that Charlie was with him right now, rather than miles and miles away.

“You’re tired?” Charlie chuckled. “It’s 1 AM here babe,” he rolled his eyes.

“I know, I know,” Alex sighed. “I’m glad you’re making time to talk to me, you know?”

“Of course I would,” Charlie grinned. “How is school?”

Alex shrugged at that. He had gotten into the routine of waking up, going to class, working out once in a while and hanging with his newfound friends from time to time, making sure to stay in touch with his Liberty friends too. But as fun as all that was, he sorely missed Charlie. And it was plainly obvious Charlie missed him too.

“I could ask the same of you,” Alex said with a smile. “It’s going okay. Midterm season is coming up, so I gotta watch out for that. How about you?”

“Not too bad, everyone here is really nice,” Charlie nodded. “Still, it’s not the same as having you with me, though,” he admitted slowly.

“I know, Charles, I know— I miss us too,” Alex whispered. He frowned at the screen – he didn’t want to call Charlie just to reminisce over the past and talk about missing one another. It was true, yes – but there was so much more, always things to catch up on, life to talk about. Maybe even the news, as mundane as it was.

“Hey, did my little Valentine’s gift for you arrive yet?” Alex suddenly asked, absent-mindedly clicking the date icon by the toolbar. He had scheduled the delivery to arrive today, but delays and changes happened all the time, so he wasn’t particularly hopeful about that.

“No,” Charlie answered. “But I’m sure when it comes, I’ll love it. What was it?”

Alex chuckled a little at that. “It’s a secret,” he giggled. “Though I’m sure you’ll love it no less.”

“Haha, I’m sure I will,” Charlie agreed.

It was like the world was timeless between them. Getting caught up in their conversations, lost in the talk of one another’s lives and daily businesses was like second nature to them.

“Hey, did you hear?” Charlie suddenly asked, his voice taking an unusual turn for more serious. “With the new coronavirus?”

Alex’s head snapped up at that. He had heard about it, albeit briefly. It was mentioned on the news a few days back. A novel coronavirus originating from Wuhan, China in January. He hadn’t thought much of it, though he knew a few cases had already popped up in America here and there. Someone on campus whispered that it was probably just another flu when it flashed on the tv screen, and Alex had hoped that it was true.

Honestly, he didn’t know much about it.

“Yeah, yeah I did,” Alex answered at last. “I heard a few people talking about it on campus. It’s in the UK already too, right?”

Charlie nodded at that. “That it is,” he confirmed. “I uh… Well, I hope it’ll be nothing,” he said reluctantly. “Because if there is an outbreak, it might make travel a little complicated,” he shrugged. “I mean, I know Trump already banned flights from China…”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Alex said back reassuringly. “I mean – I know listening to Trump probably isn’t the best for top tier advice, but…”

“No kidding,” Charlie chuckled.

“But I’d imagine we could contain it. SARS wasn’t too big of a deal – though I hardly remember it. I was like, 3? I think?”

“That would make me 2, then,” Charlie grinned.

“Sometimes I wonder how you’re actually younger than me,” Alex furrowed his brows. “I mean, I feel like I’m definitely not the adult in this relationship.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Charlie raised a brow at that.

“It is.”

“I trust you.”

They both shared a chuckle at that, resting a palm gently against the screen, taking care not to put too much pressure, sharing a mutual smile when their palms met each other through the screen. It felt hollow, empty in a way – pretending to hold hands across a screen. But virtual or not, it made Alex’s chest tighten a little, allowing him just a moment to imagine that Charlie was next to him.

“I love you Alex,” Charlie suddenly said, smiling radiantly into the camera.

“I love you too, Charlie,” Alex nodded. “I’ll see you soon. Just a few more months. Let me know when your little gift arrives.”

But if Alex had known what the future had in store for him, maybe he would have begged Charlie to reconsider staying in London for the semester. Maybe Charlie would have reconsidered too. Maybe, just maybe – things could be different.

Maybe.

Just maybe.

** March 12th, 2020 **

Alex felt like he couldn’t breathe. In such a short time, things changed so much. And not for the better. A little over one month, and it’s like the world around them was coming to a screeching halt. Alex still couldn’t believe it. It felt surreal. Staring at the TV screen in the already capacity reduced facility.

_“Trump declares travel ban on 26 European countries,”_

It was like the words weren’t registering. His mind wasn’t working. There was so much on his mind right now, from studying for his last few midterms of the year, to how life was dramatically changing around him in just the span of a few weeks, to suddenly hearing that the travel ban to Europe had been put in place. Part of Alex knew it was coming. After the ban to China happened in January, with Berkeley announcing so many changes to try to mitigate transmission, this was bound to happen with Europe having their own outbreak.

He knew Charlie had stayed safe, keeping in contact almost every day. But knowing and finally _experiencing_ were two different things. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Alex looked around, finding similar disbelief and shock on his fellow students faces. A smaller minority looked unconvinced, and an even smaller minority showed disinterest.

But for Alex, waiting for his boyfriend to return home from his studies, this felt awful.

Trembling a little, Alex reached for his phone, his chest tightening when his screen unlocks, revealing his boyfriend smiling sweetly back at him on the wallpaper. It almost felt like a slap in the face. It’s almost 2 PM. Counting forward 8 hours puts him at 10 PM. Charlie should still be awake.

It briefly crossed his mind that they don’t call often. Long-distance charges and everything were a pain to handle. But it was the quickest and easiest option. It made the most sense, and Alex wasn’t sure if he had the heart to face time Charlie right now.

Besides, they were in public.

With a heavy heart, he tapped on Charlie’s contact icon, the familiar sound of the dial tone filling his ears as he pressed his phone up against the side of his head.

Charlie picked up almost instantly.

“Alex?” Charlie’s voice came through like golden chimes.

And suddenly, Alex felt indignant. Bitter that things had come to this. Like some nightmare come to life, with life as he knew it coming to a halt amidst the spiraling circumstances with this novel coronavirus. “Charlie… it’s happened. It’s happening,” he whispered.

Charlie didn’t respond. And although the news had just broke, Alex knew he didn’t need to elaborate. The two had talked about it before, in the weeks leading up to today, that a travel ban would be imminent. Charlie had shaken his head in disbelief, in shock at how things were unfolding. Cases were spiking across the globe, first in Europe and now America, with no end in sight.

It was almost surreal.

“Charlie…” Alex whispered, closing his eyes.

“I know, Alex, I know,” Charlie finally said back, voice wavering just slightly through the speakers. “Stay safe. Okay? Stay safe Alex. Please.”

Alex wanted to scream. That it wasn’t fair, that he couldn’t believe what was happening. Things were moving so fast and so soon, and staying safe, though on his mind in the days leading up to now, couldn’t be a further thought. What he’d give to see Charlie right now.

What he’d give.

** May 5th, 2020 **

It was almost 11 PM when Alex found himself wide awake in the familiar bed of his home. The walls were adorned with little posters, everything left unchanged from when he last visited home. Except this time, it wasn’t a visit. All Berkeley students had been ordered to return home, with dorms shutting down for the foreseeable future in an attempt to curtail transmission.

Cases were spiking, and California looked just as bleak.

The transition to online classes had been rough, to say the least. With so little time to transition, everyone scrambling to try to find a methodology that worked, Alex knew that his professors and faculty staff themselves were working overtime too. If there was a silver lining to all of it, it was that the rest of the semester had been rendered easy. It didn’t feel good in a way either – almost being handed grades on a silver platter, but given the circumstances, it also didn’t feel unjust.

Alex’s sleep schedule had all but been destroyed – feeling like a zombie, just drifting through each day, doing mostly independent study as school became open-ended and social interaction became increasingly deemed unsafe.

In times like these, he always thought back to Charlie, how he was doing. These days, virtual interaction was all that kept him sane. It was like some strange dichotomy, seeing Charlie made his day a little brighter, but when the screen turned off, it was like all of it faded away and Alex would be reminded of how bleak the future looked again and again.

Suddenly, he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he said hoarsely.

The door swung open a little – and for a moment Alex thought of the progress he had finally made with his parents since _that day_. Back when doors had to stay open, when they kept tabs on everything he did. By some cruel twist of fate, even after earning back his parent’s trust, he wasn’t able to use that freedom anymore. It just wasn’t safe.

“Hey buddy,” Bill nodded. He was in his police gear, having just finished his night shift. “Sleeping soon?”

“Uh, no, I’m going to call Charlie soon,” Alex said back, slowly. “How was work?”

“Isn’t it 7 AM there? Work’s been going okay, not sure how we’re going to stay safe during these times, though,” Bill admitted, letting out a sigh.

Alex nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. These days, he feared the most for his parents. Charlie had stopped working, but the same couldn’t be said for his dad, working an essential job in the police force. Staying safe just wasn’t on the table for Bill, and he hated it. Carolyn had it even worse. She was a nurse, and seeing the climbing cases meant she was actively taking care of patients.

It broke Alex’s heart to see his mom come home from work, on the verge of tears. They didn’t talk about it much, Carolyn doing her best to keep work separate from home, but Alex knew. He kept up with the news. He knew of America’s shortage of PPE, how nurses were contracting COVID wherever they were, forced to reuse their masks at work.

It was horrible, and there was no end in sight.

“Yeah, it is,” Alex finally answered, shaking his head. “Hey, dad?”

“Yeah?” Bill quirked an eyebrow.

“Stay safe, okay? You and mom,” Alex whispered, staring hard at the floor with furrowed brows. There was so much on his mind, so much he wanted to say. But he didn’t think he had the heart to. He felt numb, somewhere between functioning and drifting.

“Thank you, son,” Bill said, touched by the sincerity.

And though they didn’t say anything further, it helped a little. When the door closed behind Bill, Alex pulled out his phone, fingertips finding their way to the familiar facetime icon. With a heavy heart, closing his eyes, he tapped on Charlie’s name.

Like so many times before, almost every day, seeing Charlie’s face felt so good, even if through the camera and being unable to simulate touch. The sun was already beginning to rise in London, and it fell on Charlie’s hair, it’s so beautiful, so pretty, so perfect. Alex didn’t want to stop to think about how he was looking right now with the disheveled hair that’s long due for a haircut, even if the low-quality webcam wasn’t helping. Alex knew there were growing shadows under his eyes, and his complexion had seen better days.

It didn’t help that when Charlie looks his way through the screen, his smile fell, replaced with an expression of worry and sympathy.

“Are you okay Alex?” Charlie asked carefully.

Alex tried his best to smile back, swallow the shards of glass lodged in his throat. Seeing Charlie made it a little easier, but he was apparently doing a bad job of convincing his all too perceptive boyfriend as evidenced by the look on his face. He responded with a quick “I’m okay, how about you?” hoping it would do the trick, even though he knew it was futile. This was Charlie, after all.

“You don’t… Look okay,” Charlie said, letting out a sigh. “I mean, you look _good_ , you always look pretty to me, but I…” he stuttered, shaking his head and Alex felt his heart crack at how pitiful this felt and looked. So much they both wanted to say, and nowhere to start.

“I’m just…” Alex began, his voice trailing off. It felt pathetic. How he was feeling this way, so down, when he himself should be the one comforting Charlie. At least he was at home, in California. Charlie had no such privilege right now. And yet Charlie had always been his rock – the one he could talk to for anything, rely on for anything.

They both stayed silent for a few moments, but it wasn’t stifling, wasn’t awkward. It was comforting, almost – yet somehow also not at all. It felt frustrating, because Alex was here in California, and Charlie was in England. So far away, and Alex had convinced himself that it was bearable those few months ago, when Charlie started his exchange semester, but the circumstances surrounding the pandemic had made Alex feel so incredibly vulnerable.

It was just another cruel twist of fate – another thing to add to the list of how unfair life felt.

“How are you holding up mentally?” Charlie finally asked, and it stung a little because this had always been a difficult topic for him. Charlie had been the only person to ask him this. Everyone always treated it as some taboo – and perhaps they had a reason to. After Hannah’s tapes and all the shit that went down at Liberty, even though everyone knew they should be talking about mental health, everyone seemed too afraid to ask, too afraid to talk. Alex too, convinced himself to keep it off limits, keep it to himself, to just grin and bear it.

But not Charlie.

Not Charles Hayden Brixton St. George.

And it was almost too much. At least, it felt like that sometimes, like now, alone in his bedroom after a monotonous week of online classes and seclusion at home.

“I…” he began, looking for words to say but nothing came, so he ended up hiding his face behind his hands. It’s not like he hadn’t cried in front of Charlie before. But it felt so pathetic. _He_ should be the one comforting Charlie. And yet instead, here he was, shaking his head and trembling at how bleak everything seemed. “I don’t know, Charlie, honestly,” he finally got out.

“Oh, Alex, I wish,” Charlie started, biting his lip with watery eyes. And though the emotions were running high, he knew what Charlie meant. Of course. He wished Charlie was here too. The memories were still freshly and vividly emblazoned in his mind, even though it felt like a distant, fleeting dream. He remembered how good it felt to have Charlie’s arms around his body, the soft kisses, the warm touches. He remembered the comforting – the little touches, kisses, and the passionate – the few times they had together when the house was theirs.

It was just a memory now.

“I wish you were here too,” Alex said back, letting out a sigh with closed eyes. “I just feel so lost. And I feel terrible too, I… At least I’m home, and it still feels so bad. It must be so awful for you,” he continued, shaking his head.

“It’s… been difficult,” Charlie admitted, sniffling a little. “But I have my relatives to stay with. It’s not too bad, but… I do miss you too. And I miss my dad a lot,” he admitted, biting his lip.

And for the first time in a long time, Alex saw the same vulnerability reflected back at him in Charlie’s delicate features. His throat closed, and instinctively, he reached out a hand, shaking his head when he realized it wouldn’t fit on the phone screen. Biting his lip, he let his hand fall.

“Do you want me to pay him a visit? I can—”

“No, no, it’s okay, it’s just…” Charlie said, mouth agape as he tried to fight for the words he so desperately wanted to say. And although Alex knew _why_ , it was still difficult to stomach. Alex knew he was high risk. His mom worked at the hospital where there were new patients everyday because of the pandemic. His father was a cop who had to interact with the general public day in day out. He understood.

“Okay,” Alex nodded. “Is school going okay for you?” He suddenly asked, eager to change the topic. It was such a mundane one – something he could fall back on no matter what the circumstances were. “I mean, I know it’s all online, and it’s probably shitty, but…”

“It’s alright,” Charlie said, tensely. “It’s…”

“A transition?” Alex answered for him.

“Yeah,” Charlie nodded.

“At least grades will be a little higher,” Alex said, shrugging a little. And before he could say anymore, he heard some voices in the background. He couldn’t make out the words, but he assumed it meant the rest of Charlie’s relatives were up. Charlie turned back to him with an apologetic look on his face.

“I have to go now,” Charlie said, regretfully.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Alex responded quickly. “I should sleep soon too, anyways,”

Charlie pulled aside his blankets quietly. “I love you, Alex,” he said, closing his eyes.

“I love you too, Charlie,” Alex said after a moment.

The screen went black, and Alex sighed, pushing his laptop shut.

***

It was late. How late, Alex couldn’t tell, his phone was dead from the hours of talking he spent with literally everyone in his life, trying to communicate the sheer disbelief he was feeling right now. Everyone felt numb, as if trapped in some surreal never-ending dream. Everyone was okay for now. No one he knew had gotten sick yet. Surely, just surely, that must account for something, right?

Sighing, feeling the tears prick at his eyes, Alex ran a hand through his auburn hair, glancing over at the shelf where his eyes rested on the big shark plushie he and Charlie bought months back, when life was still as he knew it. It was unmoving, sessile – a soft toy that brought joy and comfort to those around it.

Reluctantly, he got up from the bed, slow, methodical footsteps taking him over to the shelf where trembling arms found their way around the soft material. It was warm, velvety, and Alex admitted it helped calm his nerves just a little.

As he closed his eyes again, he saw Charlie’s own, staring back at him warmly. Phantom arms holding him tight, keeping him steady. Even if just an illusion, just a thought, a fleeting dream, if just for a moment, Alex could pretend it was real.

And somehow, he knew Charlie felt it too.

***

It was 8 AM, but Charlie didn’t have the heart or will to leave his bed. Putting on a tough face, doing his best to be strong for Alex, to keep things together. Charlie had always taken on this role when times got tough for the two of them. He was there when things first started between them – when Alex was having a panic attack during the shooter drill, and when Alex had a flare up from his TBI months afterwards. He was there when things got tough – it was just the way things were.

And yes, Charlie had been learning to reach out more and more. It’s true that growing up, having to repress his sexuality in front of his father and later the jocks left that part of him a little stunted – he’s always been acutely sensitive to how he felt, but couldn’t always find the right words to say. It helped when he finally came out to his father, and they had been talking a lot more.

But things were difficult right now. Miles and miles away from home, away from his dad, away from Alex. Sure, he had relatives here – and it’s not like he doesn’t like England. He wanted to do an exchange semester here since the very start of high school, but not like this. A one in a lifetime crisis, bringing the world to their knees. He hadn’t left home in weeks either and the strain, the toll, was certainly showing now.

Charlie let out a dispirited sigh, glancing back to the black screen of his laptop. His stomach was half full from the little bit of breakfast he had – honestly, he wasn’t hungry, but his aunt had cooked for him, and it felt too disrespectful to turn it down.

He felt tired, even though he had just woken up. And it wasn’t a ‘I just woke up’ sort of tired. It was a deep exhaustion, deep in his bones, making him feel brittle. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long, long time, and it made him scared. It was a feeling of deep hopelessness and uncertainty.

He feared for his dad. He was living alone now, and even if in-person meetings with the Liberty High Booster Club had been suspended, still, he feared for his father amidst the pandemic. One couldn’t seclude at home forever. Eventually, he’d have to go out for groceries, or even just to have food delivered. It was a game of chance.

But in some ways, Charlie was even more worried for Alex. He knew Carolyn worked long shifts at the hospital. Charlie knew Alex was worried about America’s PPE situation, and how fragile his mother seemed after coming home from a shift. He knew Bill worked long hours too, dealing with the general public day in day out too. In many ways he felt like they were part of his family too. And by extension, all of this put Alex at risk.

It was always in Charlie’s nature to worry about Alex, but this time, it felt completely justified. Running a hand through his hair, Charlie lied down on the bed, the warmth of the blankets bringing some semblance of comfort back to him. In his arms, he clutched the giant stuffed shark he and Alex bought all those months ago, before life as they both knew it ended.

It brought him comfort. In some ways, it was a memento, a last memory of the last moments he had with Alex before all of this started. The soft, velvety material, the cute little smile, and even though Alex looked nothing like a shark, it was enough to remind him of Alex.

He held it affectionately, closing his eyes as he fought back tears.

“Alex,” he whispered, his breaths shaking and trembling.

And although he knew Alex couldn’t hear him right now, knew that he wasn’t really with him, somehow, he knew Alex felt it too.

Somehow, somewhere, he felt it too.

** October 15th, 2020 **

It was a little past noon when Alex’s phone starts blowing up. A lot had happened in the past few months, and he was grateful that everyone he knew managed to stay safe. Though, he didn’t know how much longer that good luck would last.

His hair had grown long again. He was able to get it cut when restrictions were loosened, but it grew back quickly and quickly. Sighing, he tapped the power icon on his phone, the screen lighting up – along with his face at what he saw.

_“Vaccine for COVID-19 approved and released”_

***

** December 2nd, 2020 **

The first chills of Winter found their way around this time in California. Quite fitting considering how exams were starting again really soon for Alex. Online exams, yes, but they’d be the very last that he’d have to do for hopefully a long, long, time. Maybe even forever.

The airport was busy again. Not as busy as it was last year, as restrictions were still in place. Alex glanced at his phone, impatiently tapping his foot against the floor. He let out a sigh, feeling a bit of discomfort when the warmness of his breath bounced back at his face through the mask he wore. Still, it was necessary. He wasn’t going to complain about that.

He just wished more people had complied with it in the months prior to now. Maybe, just maybe, they could have avoided so many deaths. But it was in the past, and there was no going back. What mattered now, was that he was here. And _he_ would be here soon.

In one hand he held a bouquet of flowers, and in the other hand, he held a batch of cookies. They were Charlie’s cookies. And Alex had never been much of a baker, but he did his best to keep the recipe true to the name. He hoped Charlie would like them.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the plane docked by the station, and Alex watched in earnest as hundreds of passengers left the plane. Masks galore, some even wore gloves. The hand sanitizer was vanishing by the moment, reminding Alex that his palms felt uncharacteristically sweaty at seeing Charlie. Then again, it was his first time in almost a year now.

And finally, there he was.

Alex’s heart melted.

He was as gorgeous, as pretty, as radiant as he had always been. Charles Hayden Brixton St. George. Alex could hardly hold back the tears when he saw that radiant smile break across his boyfriend’s features. Losing inhibition, quick steps brought him close, and finally brought Charlie into his arms into a warm, long, tight embrace.

When they finally broke apart, Alex made sure to roll up the sleeve on his wrists, revealing the little white bracelet on his arm. He had been vaccinated. He was safe now. And to his delight, though he already knew it true, Charlie produced the same bracelet. It was like the magical reset button had finally been pressed. And life could go on like it had been.

“Alex, I…” Charlie began, shaking his head through tears.

“Shh, shh, don’t talk,” Alex whispered, before dragging Charlie along to the more secluded corner. When he was sure he could keep his distance from others, he pulled down his mask, gently rolling down Charlie’s as well.

And then they melted away, kissing with a soft, yet fiery passion so great it could have set the floor ablaze. It was like the world fell away at the weight of their soul-searing kiss. It wasn’t overly passionate, nothing sexual. And yet it was the most satisfying, most fulfilling thing in the world. Charlie’s larger frame holding Alex safely and tightly. COVID-19 was a fleeting thought, and Alex felt nothing but bliss and utter perfection.

Finally, they parted, both of them panting at the need for oxygen. When Alex regained his composure, he made sure to hand the bouquet of flowers over to Charlie, followed meekly by the little bag of cookies he baked.

“I hope you like them,” Alex said sheepishly. He really wasn’t confident with his baking skills, but he had really tried hard with what he had.

“I’m sure they’ll taste great regardless,” Charlie nodded, his eyes sparkling with gratitude and affection.

And when they embrace again, for what felt like an eternity, never letting go, savoring the moments that they finally had together that were ripped away from them because of fate, Alex felt at home once more.

“I love you, Charlie. I love you so damn much, I can’t even…” said Alex, adorably shaking his head.

Charlie just chuckled at that, resting a reassuring hand on Alex’s arm, rolling down to interlace their fingers. “You don’t have to explain,” he grinned. “Because I know. I know how much I love you too,” he nodded.

“Looks like we’re late to the show!” A voice called out from behind them.

Alex and Charlie both spun around, and to their mutual delight, saw their family. Bill and Carolyn stood closely, masks on, hand in hand. Alex couldn’t see their mouths, but he could see their eyes. They were happy. They were content. And Charlie’s dad was there too, nodding proudly. Alex glanced over at Charlie, cocking his head to tell Charlie to go see his dad.

Alex watched from the sidelines as Charlie and his dad hugged. They too, hadn’t seen each other in almost a year. There would be so much to catch up on, so much about life to talk about since then. How the world had changed so much in such a short time.

But they would be content.

“How are you feeling?” Carolyn suddenly asked, a reassuring hand on Alex’s shoulder. And although Alex didn’t look her way, not immediately, he knew he could answer that now truthfully and painlessly.

“I’m happy,” Alex nodded. “I’m happy.”

And though Charlie couldn’t hear him from this distance, still talking with his dad, Alex knew he felt it too. Somehow, somewhere, he felt it too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again! Please remember to follow Svebara's socials:
> 
> Please find her ao3 and tumblr here:  
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